One of the biggest rewards I find in my Los Angeles counseling office, as it relates to marriage, is helping a husband understand his wife’s deepest needs. Rarely is it a case of a man not wanting to meet his wife’s deepest needs. Many times he just does not know how.

Therefore I have compiled a list of 21 ways to meet a woman’s needs as a basis for learning her views and greatly strengthening the marriage.

1. Communicate with her; never close her out.
2. Do everything you can do to understand her feelings.
3. Ask her opinion frequently
4. Avoid sudden major changes without discussion and without giving her time to adjust.
5. Allow her to teach you without putting up your defenses.
6. Compliment her often
7. Take care of the kids before dinner.
8. Do not expect her to do activities beyond her emotional or physical capabilities.
9. Take time to notice what she has done for you and the family.
10. Defend her to others.
11. Tell her how proud you are of her.
12. Get rid of habits that annoy her.
13. Discipline the children in love, not anger.
14. Have specific family goals for each year.
15. Let her buy things she considers necessary.
16. Show her you need her.
17. Lead your family spiritually.
18. Surprise her with a card or flowers..
19. Prefer her over others.
20. Admit mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble.
21. Protect her on a daily basis.

Remember if your wife persistently reacts negatively to you, it may be because she perceives a threat to one or both of two important areas: 1) her security 2) her established relationships.

For more reflection read Matthew 20:25-28. Who does Jesus say would be the greatest in His Kingdom?